As we enter into Holy Week, my prayer time is bringing me deeper and deeper into the Passion, and I find many of my thoughts, outside of my prayer time, are of Judas.
In today’s Gospel, Mary anoints Jesus with some very expensive oil. Oil that Judas believes could be better used by selling it and giving the money to the poor. That is not really a bad thing, is it? 300 days wages was a lot of money. It still is, if you really think about it. If I work 5 days a week, for a whole year without a day off, it is only 260 days. Would I have felt the same way Judas did? Would I have seen what Mary did as wasteful?
I remember watching a program on the History Channel, I believe, that speculated on who Judas Iscariot really was. I do not remember all of the details, and unfortunately do not even remember the title of the program, yet I do remember that it brought up some very interesting ideas. The basic premise was that Jesus and Judas had been life-long friends, and that their families had a long connection. It went on to speculate that Jesus and Judas were “revolutionaries” who fought against the Roman occupation during what we refer to as the “lost years” in the life of Jesus. The speculation continues with the idea that Judas, discouraged by the fact that they had not eradicated their Roman oppressors, continued to believe in, and follow that path that Jesus now took in His public ministry. Judas is named as one of the 12, and we can only assume that for the years of His public ministry, Judas was working side by side with Jesus in preaching the Good News.
So, I can’t help but to think, might it have been this episode from today’s Gospel that was the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back” for Judas? Were things not happening fast enough for him? Did he have a misunderstanding of what Jesus was actually trying to teach? Was Judas looking for a prize? Was his understanding of “kingdom” that of one of wealth and power and not one of love and service? What causes someone to betray someone that they love?
I don’t have to imagine how Jesus must have felt. I have been there. The betrayal of a friend, in my experience, is like having a piece of yourself ripped from within you. It leaves a jagged, gaping hole in your heart and in your spirit. The darkness can consume you if you let it. I know, because I almost did. And I remember praying, no pleading with God, to take this pain away, and make everything “better” again.
God did not take my suffering away from me, just as He did not take the suffering away from Jesus. Jesus suffered the ultimate betrayal; He lost His life because of a friend. In the end though, Jesus not only gained new life, but He gained it for me, too. Jesus took the ultimate betrayal and turned it into the ultimate act of love.
Can I do the same?
There's an important part of the reading that I think sometiems gets overlooked by those trying to rehabilitate Judas:
ReplyDelete"He said this not because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief and held the money bag and used to steal the contributions."
So his aim was not generosity or concern for the poor. It was not a matter of misunderstanding Jesus' ministry, nor a matter of things not moving fast enough.
He was a thief. He was thinking only of himself.
God help us if we share his feelings.