Judas, what were you thinking?!

As we enter into Holy Week, my prayer time is bringing me deeper and deeper into the Passion, and I find many of my thoughts, outside of my prayer time, are of Judas.

In today’s Gospel, Mary anoints Jesus with some very expensive oil. Oil that Judas believes could be better used by selling it and giving the money to the poor. That is not really a bad thing, is it? 300 days wages was a lot of money. It still is, if you really think about it. If I work 5 days a week, for a whole year without a day off, it is only 260 days. Would I have felt the same way Judas did? Would I have seen what Mary did as wasteful?

I remember watching a program on the History Channel, I believe, that speculated on who Judas Iscariot really was. I do not remember all of the details, and unfortunately do not even remember the title of the program, yet I do remember that it brought up some very interesting ideas. The basic premise was that Jesus and Judas had been life-long friends, and that their families had a long connection. It went on to speculate that Jesus and Judas were “revolutionaries” who fought against the Roman occupation during what we refer to as the “lost years” in the life of Jesus. The speculation continues with the idea that Judas, discouraged by the fact that they had not eradicated their Roman oppressors, continued to believe in, and follow that path that Jesus now took in His public ministry. Judas is named as one of the 12, and we can only assume that for the years of His public ministry, Judas was working side by side with Jesus in preaching the Good News.

So, I can’t help but to think, might it have been this episode from today’s Gospel that was the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back” for Judas? Were things not happening fast enough for him? Did he have a misunderstanding of what Jesus was actually trying to teach? Was Judas looking for a prize? Was his understanding of “kingdom” that of one of wealth and power and not one of love and service? What causes someone to betray someone that they love?

I don’t have to imagine how Jesus must have felt. I have been there. The betrayal of a friend, in my experience, is like having a piece of yourself ripped from within you. It leaves a jagged, gaping hole in your heart and in your spirit. The darkness can consume you if you let it. I know, because I almost did. And I remember praying, no pleading with God, to take this pain away, and make everything “better” again.

God did not take my suffering away from me, just as He did not take the suffering away from Jesus. Jesus suffered the ultimate betrayal; He lost His life because of a friend. In the end though, Jesus not only gained new life, but He gained it for me, too. Jesus took the ultimate betrayal and turned it into the ultimate act of love.

Can I do the same?

True Friendship

I am in the 3rd Week of the Spiritual Exercises. We are contemplating Jesus’ life during His final weeks. The past couple of weeks I have been praying with the stories of the Last Supper and the Agony in the Garden. There is much to be learned about friendship from Jesus' experiences.

This was Henri Nouwen’s Daily Meditation from March 23.  I love Henri. I have read just about everything he had written, and his "The Return of the Prodigal Son" changed my life.  I believe that this is the kind of friend Jesus must have been~ 

A friend is more than a therapist or a confessor, even though a friend can sometimes heal us and offer us God's forgiveness.
A friend is that other person with whom we can share our solitude, our silence, and our prayer. A friend is that other person with whom we can look at a tree and say, "Isn't that beautiful," or sit on the beach and silently watch the sun disappear under the horizon. With a friend we don't have to say or do something special. With a friend we can be still and know that God is there with both of us.

True friendship like this is a rare and wonderful thing. The pain of being betrayed or abandoned by a friend is one that cuts deep to the core. Jesus knew this. And I suspect most of us do, in some way or another.
Yet Jesus never stopped loving His friends, and, in the end,  He gave His life for them.

Could I do the same?

In Honor of St. Patrick

The Prayer of St. Patrick

I arise today

Through the strength of heaven;

Light of the sun,

Splendor of fire,

Speed of lightning,

Swiftness of the wind,

Depth of the sea,

Stability of the earth,

Firmness of the rock.

I arise today

Through God's strength to pilot me;

God's might to uphold me,

God's wisdom to guide me,

God's eye to look before me,

God's ear to hear me,

God's word to speak for me,

God's hand to guard me,

God's way to lie before me,

God's shield to protect me,

God's hosts to save me

Afar and anear,

Alone or in a mulitude.

Christ shield me today

Against wounding

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,

Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in the eye that sees me,

Christ in the ear that hears me.
I arise today

Through the mighty strength

Of the Lord of creation.

On Healthcare

I have resisted the temptation to get involved in any debate about healthcare. I work in the industry, and have seen first hand the lunacy that is working with insurance companies, and the Medicare and Medicaid systems. I am not saying that I don't think something needs to be done, but "ObamaCare" is not the way!


A note to all politicians-

Until you can prove to me and to the rest of America that you can fix the systems we already have (Medicare & Medicaid), please do not try and come up with something new!

I received this in an e-mail today. “Maxine” is one of my favorite characters, so I share with you her take on healthcare-
 don’t think I could have said it any better!

Let me get this straight......


We're trying to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president that also hasn't read it, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that is broke.

What could possibly go wrong?

You know it's a Monday when...

it seems like you are surrounded by idiots!!!!!

Some quotes about stupidity...
take from them what you will.

"The law is a rule to the fool, but a guide to the wise." ~ Anonymous

"There are two kinds of fool.  One says, 'This is old, and therefore good.'  And one says, 'This is new, and therefore better.'  ~ Dean Inge

"In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity."  ~ Konrad Adenauer

Examination of Conscience

I have a regular confessor. I find it is better for me to have someone who is familiar with me, and my patterns, as a confessor as he is able to help me to see these patterns and not only absolve me of my sins, but is able to give me sound advice as to how to avoid falling into the same traps of sinfulness over and over.

One of the things I have really come to appreciate in celebrating this sacrament is the preparation that is involved. Examining one’s conscience is never easy, and is always necessary to deepen one’s relationship with God. I have a few resources that I have found helpful, in particular one using the beatitudes, the Daily Examen from the Spiritual Exercise and the US Catechism for Adults. I find that using more than one resource helps me to really examine what my sins are and where my patterns of sinfulness are leading me away from God, so I am always on the lookout for something that causes me to look at things from a different perspective.

I came across this poem last week, in preparation for my confession, and it helped me more than any of the others had been, so I will share it with you. It comes from a wonderful little book called “Hearts on Fire- Praying with the Jesuits”. The poem was written by Leo Rock SJ, who has been director of novices for the Jesuits of the California Provence, is a spiritual director and retreat master.

Killing Time

How do I kill time?

Let me count the ways.

By worrying about things

over which I have no control.

Like the past.

Like the future.

By harboring resentment

and anger

over hurts

real or imagined.

By disdaining the ordinary

or, rather, what I

so mindlessly

call ordinary.

By concern over what’s in it for me,

rather than what’s in me

for it.

By failing to appreciate what is

because of might-have-beens,

should-have-beens,

could-have-beens.

These are some of the ways

I kill time.

Jesus didn’t kill time.

He gave life to it.

His own.

This was a real eye-opener, and helped me to go much deeper into my examination of conscience, which in turn helped me to have a wonderful confession experience.

And it has helped me to look more closely at how I am killing time!

The Call to Holiness

I am not taking a class this semester, so I have been able to catch up on some personal reading, and because I am still not 100% because of my recent injury, I have decide to “slow down” a little bit, and use this down time as a way to take the psalmist’s advice and “Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46).


I am currently reading Rediscovering Catholicism, by Matthew Kelly. This is a wonderful book, and I highly recommend it. You can find out more about him and his book at his website . As I was reading, I came across the following quote

“When the practice and preaching of Christianity are not clearly focused on the ‘universal call to holiness', the activities pursued in the name of Christianity disintegrate into nothing but a collection of social welfare initiatives. As the Church becomes more and more isolated from this call to holiness-whether locally, regionally, nationally, or universally- it very quickly begins to resemble little more than a massive social welfare committee, rather than the great spiritual entity she was established to be for every age.” (pg.71)

This statement was so profound to me on so many levels. Maybe it is because of my experiences with the Spiritual Exercises that made this jump out at me. The past few weeks I have been working with the following concepts, The Two Standards, The Three Classes of Persons and The Three Humilities

In a nutshell,

The Two Standards are the standard of Christ and the standard of Lucifer. Remember that Ignatius was a soldier, and at the time each side had a “standard (flag) - bearer” that rode in the front of the line of troops. For Ignatius, this was “spiritual warfare” and the most important choice for a person was what “standard” they would choose to follow.

The Three Classes of Person  describes the 3 types of “spiritual disposition” most people have-

The first type- the one who says they want a relationship with God, but are not willing to do anything to help cultivate that relationship. They are more attached to the “things” in life

The second type- the one who tries had to have a relationship with God, but does everything but the one thing necessary. They try, but instead of doing what needs to be done, they are content have a “barter relationship” with God.

The third type- the one who says they want a relationship with God and is willing to let go of all their “worldly attachments” so that they may know and most perfectly fulfill the will of God.

The Three Humilities are general descriptions of the spectrum of humility as lived by men and women. In the Ignatian tradition humility is defined as the acceptance of Jesus Christ as the fullness of what it means to be human.

The first humility- this is one end of the spectrum. In practicing this level of humility, I do only that which I see as necessary to achieve salvation.

The second humility- this is the middle of the spectrum, what I call the “balance” that I believe that most of us who call ourselves Christians are looking for, the balance between living my life, but doing so through the lens of following God’s will and not my own.

The third humility- this is the most perfect version of the second humility, and a grace only granted by God. With this grace, the person practicing the 3rd humility is moved to follow Jesus Christ in the most intimate way possible.

So, needless to say, I have been spending a lot of time lately looking at my own “call to holiness” and how I have been doing at answering that call. And I started to think,

“You know, Matthew Kelly really has a point.”

The Church, in an attempt to work for “social justice” has seemed to forget that her primary focus should be on helping people to reach that holiness.

And then hit me,

If we as Church spent more time helping people to reach that state of holiness that we are all called to, and if I, in my words and actions, follow the standard of Christ, strive to become the 3rd type of person and live in at least the 2nd level of humility as an example to others, we would not need the church to work for “social justice” as it would be a natural consequence of living a life of holiness.