A baby changes everything

"The history of 20 centuries begins in this stable,

for the Child, is in very truth the source of all things."  ~Blessed John XXIII

Have a very merry & blessed Christmas!! 

O Emmanuel

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel,
and ransom captive Israel,
that mourns in lonely exile here
until the Son of God appear.

Father in heaven,

I am eagerly awaiting

the gift of my redemption,

Jesus, the Christ

the Son you sent to save me

Emmanuel, God-with-us.

Bleesed are we who embrace

Him, for by doing so,

we embrace You!

O Rex Gentium

O Come, Desire of the nations, bind
in one the hearts of all mankind;
bid every strife and quarrel cease
and fill the world with heaven's peace

Father in heaven,
join me together with all your children,
so that in living your will,
we make bring your kingdom here to earth.

O Oriens

O Come, Thou Dayspring from on high,
and cheer us by thy drawing nigh;
disperse the gloomy clouds of night
and death's dark shadow put to flight.

Father in Heaven,

as we enter into the darkest night of the year,

help me to remember that the light of your Son

is with me always.

O Clavis David

O Come, Thou Key of David, come,
and open wide our heav'nly home,
make safe the way that leads on high,
that we no more have cause to sigh.

Father in heaven,
My path is rocky and my heart is heavy,
be with me on my journey and
and help me to not fall into doubt & despair.

O Radix Jesse

O Root of Jesse
by Ansgar Holmberg, CSJ

O Come, Thou Rod of Jesse's stem,
from ev'ry foe deliver them
that trust Thy mighty power to save,
and give them vict'ry o'er the grave.

Father in heaven,

You promised a Savior

who would deliver me from sin & death.

Help me to prepare my heart to receive Him.

O Adonai

O Come, O Come, Thou Lord of might,
who to thy tribes on Sinai's height
in ancient times didst give the law,
in cloud, and majesty, and awe

Father in heaven,

Grant me the strength & courage to follow your ways.

Even when it is difficult and I feel all alone,

I know that you will always be with me
to straighten my crooked path.

O Sapientia

O Come, Thou Wisdom, from on high,
and order all things far and nigh;
to us the path of knowledge show,
and teach us in her ways to go.


Father in heaven,
grant me the gift of wisdom,
to hear and understand your voice.
Teach me your paths and lead me into your light,
so that my thoughts, words & deeds give glory to you always.

Thomas Merton

The writings of Thomas Merton have been an important part of my spiritual journey.  In fact, it was after stumbling across this prayer, that I made the decision to return to the faith.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
~ Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"
© Abbey of Gethsemani

Last year, a friend shared this little gem of advent wisdom from "Fr. Louis"~

The Advent mystery is the beginning of the end of all in us that is not yet Christ.

Praying with this piece of wisdom last year proved to me quite enlightening, and helped me to participate in the joy of the Incarnation is a way that I never had before.

Yesterday, December 10th, was the 43rd anniversary of Thomas Merton's death, and I found a link to the Thomas Merton Institute, where I signed up for an Advent reflection newsletter.  This arrived in my "in-box" this morning~

"the only way to enter into that joy is to dwindle down to a vanishing point and become absorbed in God through the center of your own nothingness. The only way to possess His greatness is to pass through the needle's eye of your own absolute insufficiency.

~Thomas Merton. New Seeds of Contemplation. (New York: New Directions Books):

Needless to say, "Fr. Louis" has given me another great Advent gift.  I have a feeling that contemplating on these words, in light of where I am on my journey, will bear much fruit.

The Gospel of Mark

A few years ago, my spiritual director at the time, recommended that I take some time and read the Gospel of Mark in one sitting.  I took this advice while on a private retreat at a friend's home on Keuka Lake.  It was a wonderful week of solitude and contemplation, that was enhanced by my reading of Mark's gospel.  For the first time, I saw the humanity of Jesus in a whole new way, a way that I could relate to.

Since then, I find myself, every so often, carving out some time to re-read it, and let Mark's words speak to those parts of me that need to hear them.

So, as I was reading bulletins from parishes in my area this week, I was delighted to see that one of our local parishes was sponsoring an event called Mark's Gospel Live! 

Fr. Joseph Morris, in a "one-man performance" recounts the Gospel of Mark, as the early Christians would have heard it, as a story.   I experienced Mark's gospel in a way I never thought possible- to actually hear the whole thing from beginning to end, told by a master story-teller, was a powerful and moving spiritual experience.  If you ever have the opportunity to see this, please take it!  It was truly a blessed experience!

Clay in the Potter's hands

I was talking with my spiritual director the other day and he offered this observation.  How many people do you know who spend extra time each day/week, working on something that they are longing for?   For example- the runner, who in addition to their normal exercise routine, spends an extra ½ hour a day working on strengthening their leg muscles.  Or the musician who spends extra time on a practicing their “fingering” so as to keep their fingers limber.  Or the person who schedules time with a counselor or therapist to work on emotional issues and communication skills.  Then he asked me if I spend any extra time working on those places in my "spiritual life" that need strengthening, and if not, why not?  Is not my spiritual health just as important, if not more important,  than my physical or emotional life?

An intriguing question and one that I thought merited a little pondering.  How do I spend my prayer time?  I know that I have very deep wounds, which only God can heal, but have I actually taken the time to really share them with God in prayer, to work through my issues with His help, and to open myself to really  hear what He is trying to tell me?

As I pondered these questions, I came to realize that sometimes the answer is no.  And the reason for this answer is because, in my humanness, I will do anything that does not cause me pain or discomfort.

 HHHMMMM……

So, as I sat in my pew this morning, the First Sunday of Advent, I heard these beautiful words from Isaiah 64:7

Yet, O LORD, you are our father;

we are the clay and you the potter:
we are all the work of your hands.

God is the potter and I am the clay.  I get that.  God is the creator, and forms me in His image, but in my quest for understanding, I had to go deeper.  Just what does it mean to be clay in the potter’s hands?

So, using my friends “Google” and “Wikipedia” I did a little research on pottery and what I found, well it shouldn’t have surprised me, God really does have one hell of a sense of humor!

Before an artist can even think about beginning the design process, the clay needs to be prepared.  It needs to be kneaded, to distribute the moisture and to release the air that is trapped within it.  Basically, one needs to beat the crap out of it before it is ready.  And I started to think; doesn’t God do the same thing to us?  I started to think about all the hard times, when I thought God was nowhere to be found, and was sending pain, hurt and anger my way to punish me, the times I looked up to the sky, shaking my fist and saying “Why, God?  Why are you doing this to me?”  This was God’s way of kneading me, of getting me ready to look to Him for the answers that I was seeking.

So far so good.  Being clay in the potter’s hands- a good thing, God is working in me, but it can’t just stop there.  If it does, I am still just a lump of clay, with no purpose.  Something has to come next.

That’s where “throwing” comes in!  Throwing is a way to form that piece of clay into something useful and beautiful.  From Wikipedia-

During the process of throwing, the wheel rotates rapidly while the solid ball of soft clay is pressed, squeezed and pulled gently upwards and outwards into a hollow shape. The first step of pressing the rough ball of clay downward and inward into perfect rotational symmetry is called centering the clay--a most important skill to master before the next steps: opening (making a centered hollow into the solid ball of clay), flooring (making the flat or rounded bottom inside the pot), throwing or pulling (drawing up and shaping the walls to an even thickness), and trimming or turning (removing excess clay to refine the shape or to create a foot).

So, once I am kneaded, the real formation begins.  First there is the “centering”, an important step that brings the clay into perfect symmetry.  In the spiritual sense, I see this step as one of the most important.  This “centering” has to come from me; I have to choose to allow God to be the center of my life.  Only once I make that decision, can God continue to shape me.

Then next thing is “opening”, or in a spiritual sense, maybe a better word is “emptying”.  A hole must be made in the clay in order to make it a usable vessel.  If I am going to be a “usable vessel” for God, I must open myself to His love; therefore I must empty myself of all the things that keep me from that love.

Next is the “flooring”, making a good solid foundation.  I see the Church and the Sacraments as the foundation.  By making a commitment to my faith and receiving the Sacraments, especially Eucharist and Reconciliation, I am helping to build a good foundation for my life, one that is stable and strong, and will support me, even when I am filled to the brim with anxiety, fear and trepidation.

Now, with the clay prepared the “pulling” starts.   This is where God draws me up to Him, and this is the place where symmetry is most crucial.  If the clay is not perfectly balanced, the vessel will collapse. This is where my free-will comes into play.  I can cooperate with the potter, or I can choose not to.  If I choose not to, I end up just another lump of clay, with no real purpose.

And finally, there is the “turning”, the removal of any excess clay that hinders the beauty and functionality of the piece. It  is now that the piece is ready for the kiln, to be strengthened and changed into a instrument that has a purpose.   For me, this means that God is removing all the things that may hinder my relationship with Him- my need to be “in control”, to rely on myself rather than relying on Him.

If you have ever seen someone working in pottery, you know that it is a very messy job!  Just like life!  And thinking that God is just the “Great Fixer” who, with the wave of His hand, could, if He wanted too, make things “all better” is a very easy trap to fall into.  But without all of these steps, that would be a hollow victory.  Without all of the kneading, forming and trails, I am still just a lump of clay.  But in the hands of God, this insignificant lump of clay can become a vessel, filled to the brim and overflowing, with the unconditional love of God.

Living a spiritual life, one where God is the center of everything, is so counter-cultural in our age, which is why I think that this metaphor is one that many may not understand today.  It takes patience, love and perseverance to mold a lump of clay into a beautiful vessel.  Thankfully, God has all of those things and more!

As we begin this Advent season, this lesson is a very important one, I think.  Now is the time to prepare for the coming of our Lord  & Savior, Jesus Christ.  It is the time of year where I can look at how I can sometimes fall back into that lump of clay, by ignoring the hands of the artist, and repent and allow myself to be “worked”, sometimes messily, and often painfully, by the loving hands of God, so that I may become the vessel that carries His love out into the world.

Happy Advent!

Happy Advent

A special musical treat to begin my favorite season of Advent.  This is probably my favortie modern versions of this hymn, Enya has the voice of an angel!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Not because of the food, which is always awesome, plentiful and made with love.  Not because of parades & football & classic movies that keep me entertained all day.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because the sole purpose of the day is to take some time, gather with those near and dear to me and thank God for all of the blessings that He has bestowed up me the past year.  Some of them wonderful, and some not so wonderful, and all of them blessings just the same.

I have so much to be thanful for- a wonderful husband, a loving family, an awesome spiritual director, a wonderful cicle of friends, old & new, who support, encouage and love me enough to point out my shortcomings when needed, two jobs that I love and let me use the gifts given to me by God to serve His people and, most importantly, for the Grace that God has bestowed on me this past year.

It's about the "simple things"...

Happy Thanksgiving!
Please remember to keep all those who go without today, all who are alone,  all those who are working to protect us and take care of our loved ones while their families gather without them, and for all those who are far from home in your prayers today.

Why Autumn is my favorite season

An autumn day at Mt. Hope Cemetary

Youth is like spring, an over praised season more remarkable for biting winds than genial breezes. Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits. ~Samuel Butler

Thank God for the Jesuits!



St. Ignaitus by William McNichols,
comissioned for the 125th Anniversay
of Creighton University.

Today is the Feast of All Saints & Blessed of the Society of Jesus.
St. "Iggy" and the Jesuit way have made me a better Christian.
Thanks be to God for all these wonderful men, and the men & women they have inspired through-out  the ages.

Suspice of St. Ignatius of Loyola
Take Lord, and receive all my liberty,
My memory, my understanding
And my entire will,
All I have and call my own.
You have given it all to me.
To you Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
That is enough for me.

AMDG!! 

If this is our "future", we are so screwed!

So, just exactly what is is you people want?!
Y'all need to GROW UP!!

I prayed for what?!

In about a month we will begin using the new translation of the Roman Missal.  In January 2010, I posted these thoughts about the new translation.  Since then, through much thought, study and prayer, I can honestly say that I am looking forward to the new translation, if for the only reason that it will make everyone
s-l-o-w d-o-w-n.

I have become aware lately of how fast we say our prayers in the parishes I attend.  I have made it a point that last few months to slow down, and concentrate on what I am saying, not just say the words.  And in doing so,  I had a very profound revelation.

One day at  daily Mass, during the Our Father, the congregation said it so fast that they finished before the priest did.  I could compare it to a 5 year old singing the ABC song, they know the letters and their order well enough that they can sing it like it is all one giant word.  That's how the Our Father sounded to me. 

Now, I know that the Our Father is not changing, but I am going to use it as an example.

When I made the conscious effort to slow down while praying the Our Father, something hit me like a ton of bricks!  I will never forget the day!  I was literally stopped in my tracks!  What did I just say?

"forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

I was asking God to forgive me as I forgive others. 
Did I really want Him to do that?!
I left Mass that morning with that thought in my head. 
What if God forgave me as I forgave others?
I may have said I forgave someone, but did I really? 
Did I continue to hold a grudge?
Was I looking for some sort of acknowledgement from the person who "wronged' me?
Did I want that person to suffer because they made me suffer?

Sadly, my answer to many of these question was YES.

It really made me start to think.  Before this revelation, the prayer was just words, now I saw it more of a challenge. Forgiveness is a gift.  It is not something that one earns, it is not pardon, it is not forgetting the wrong done to me or even reconciling with the person who wronged me.  It is acknowledging a hurt and then letting it go.  It is saying to the other person, you hurt me and I may not like it, but I will not let this thought/word/deed keep me a prisoner in my own heart. 

I have learned the hard way that sometimes it is too late to tell someone that you love them and that you forgive them for the things they have done to hurt you.  That holding a grudge does nothing to the person who I hold the grudge against, but to me.  It has made me give forgiveness that I have been withholding out of pride, and seek forgiveness from those who I have wronged.  I cannot change other people, as much as I would like to try sometimes, I can only change myself. 

Forgiveness is never easy, and it is always necessary.  "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."  Not an easy thing to do, but then I don't think that being crucified was either.

Peace to all!

Make Mine Freedom

Sad to say, but we really haven't learned that much, have we?

So it's been a while...

and now I am back!! 
A special thanks to Ben at Cleansing Fire for helping to get the fire started again!
He asked me to be a guest writer (you can read that post here), it's a little silly for me to post it here, but I will be adding more to my story over the next few days.

So stop by, read a while, make a comment or two. 
Hopefully I can educate, enlighten or just amuse you for a minute or two!!

Peace to All!!