s-l-o-w d-o-w-n.
I have become aware lately of how fast we say our prayers in the parishes I attend. I have made it a point that last few months to slow down, and concentrate on what I am saying, not just say the words. And in doing so, I had a very profound revelation.
One day at daily Mass, during the Our Father, the congregation said it so fast that they finished before the priest did. I could compare it to a 5 year old singing the ABC song, they know the letters and their order well enough that they can sing it like it is all one giant word. That's how the Our Father sounded to me.
Now, I know that the Our Father is not changing, but I am going to use it as an example.
When I made the conscious effort to slow down while praying the Our Father, something hit me like a ton of bricks! I will never forget the day! I was literally stopped in my tracks! What did I just say?
"forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"
I was asking God to forgive me as I forgive others.
Did I really want Him to do that?!
I left Mass that morning with that thought in my head.
What if God forgave me as I forgave others?
I may have said I forgave someone, but did I really?
Did I continue to hold a grudge?
Was I looking for some sort of acknowledgement from the person who "wronged' me?
Did I want that person to suffer because they made me suffer?
Sadly, my answer to many of these question was YES.
It really made me start to think. Before this revelation, the prayer was just words, now I saw it more of a challenge. Forgiveness is a gift. It is not something that one earns, it is not pardon, it is not forgetting the wrong done to me or even reconciling with the person who wronged me. It is acknowledging a hurt and then letting it go. It is saying to the other person, you hurt me and I may not like it, but I will not let this thought/word/deed keep me a prisoner in my own heart.
I have learned the hard way that sometimes it is too late to tell someone that you love them and that you forgive them for the things they have done to hurt you. That holding a grudge does nothing to the person who I hold the grudge against, but to me. It has made me give forgiveness that I have been withholding out of pride, and seek forgiveness from those who I have wronged. I cannot change other people, as much as I would like to try sometimes, I can only change myself.
Forgiveness is never easy, and it is always necessary. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Not an easy thing to do, but then I don't think that being crucified was either.
Peace to all!
